The #1 Thing I Do When I'm Feeling Down
As I sat down to write my blog post this week, a post about feeling down felt top of mind and honestly a little odd. It’s been on my heart for weeks now as I’ve had quite a few intimate conversations with dear friends who have recently confided in me that they were feeling really down, dare I say the “D” word; depressed. It also felt odd because I’m currently experiencing a buzz, a joy, an excitement in my body from my book launch this week. Ultimately, I’ve decided that this is what we’re talking about this week because (a) it’s too important not to talk about it and (b) it’s possible to have heavy conversations AND be experiencing excitement. I’m practicing living in a “both/and” world.
Before I continue, I want to be clear that I am not a therapist or a doctor. Mental health is a serious thing, it’s nuanced and I encourage you to consult an appropriate health professional if needed. If you’re noticing yourself feeling down recently, you’re not alone. Anxiety and depression is up 25% worldwide since the pandemic. My depression story precedes the pandemic.
It was about three years ago, my business was better than it had ever been, my relationship was in a great place, I was working out regularly so I felt good in my body and I was feeling depressed. I tried turning over every leaf to give me a reason as to why I was depressed, but everywhere I looked, on paper, that aspect of my life was flourishing. This was the most confusing part of my depression story. I felt so much shame around feeling depressed because my life was so good. There was no evidence I could point to in my life that would give me permission to be depressed and so I suppressed it. I told myself I wasn’t allowed to feel that way because I had no reason to be depressed.
After a few weeks and some scary thoughts, I mustered up the courage to come clean to a trusted girlfriend. I told her everything I was feeling and thinking and the shame I felt. There were a few things that shifted for me in that conversation and the ones that came shortly after that. First, depression doesn’t need a reason. My feelings are valid because I feel them and so are yours. Second, just saying the phrase “I feel depressed” took so much weight off of it. I was no longer letting it have power over me. Third, I gave myself the space to relax about it. I took the self-imposed timeline off of getting out of what I was feeling and gave myself the space to feel without judgment.
Having someone I trust to talk about how I was feeling was integral in supporting my mental health. I also created regular check-ins with my husband. If I felt off or had an unhealthy thought I’d send him a note that said something like, “nothing for you to do, but wanted to share I’m having unhealthy thoughts”. I was in a place mentally where allowing myself to be seen in that space helped things to pass. Simultaneously to doing the mindset work, I set up a regular volunteer practice.
Volunteering currently is and at the time was the number one thing I do when I’m feeling down. I’m an active volunteer with Freedom to Choose and the second I sense myself feeling off I turn to my volunteer work. They have an amazing inmate correspondence program so it’s easy for me to volunteer any time, anywhere. I know people have a desire to isolate when they’re feeling down, but volunteering has so many benefits. It gives you a sense of purpose when you’re not feeling purposeful. It connects you with something bigger than yourself. It can increase your self-worth and self-confidence. It’s a serious game changer.
If you’re feeling down, find the right mental support but then find ways to engage in regular volunteer work. I swear it changes everything!
Big love,
Karlie