How to Trust Yourself and Be Confident
One of my favorite things to coach around is confidence. Studies have shown that confidence is one of the leading contributors to a successful professional life, often more so than competence or knowledge. I am committed to helping people live a successful life, whatever success looks like for them, so confidence is a place to spend looking under the hood. Additionally, they say to teach that which you’ve already experienced and lucky for me I happen to have aced all my life-classes in self-doubt, so I wanted to share some tools that have helped me trust myself and become more confident.
First, start to get hyper-aware of the voice of the inner critic. I have clients observe their inner critic for a few weeks (one week minimum). Don’t do anything, just observe and notice the impact that it’s having on your daily life. Once you’ve spent some time observing the inner critic then give your inner critic a name. This is such a valuable tool because it creates space between your authentic self and the inner critic. People begin to buy into the belief that they are the voice of their inner critic and that is simply not true. You are so much more infinite than the voice of your inner critic. By assigning your inner critic a name you begin to realize that the inner critic is just an aspect of your being, it’s not the wholeness of who you are.
Second, you can give your inner critic a time frame. Try setting a timer for 2-5 minutes and during that time frame let the inner critic run wild. Allow it to say whatever it wants to say and then once the timer is done it’s time to silence the inner critic and move on. This way you can give the inner critic space to be without allowing it to run your life. The second that we start to judge the inner critic or judge ourselves for being critical, it keeps us stuck in the pattern. Judgement is the cement that keeps us stuck where we are at. By setting a timer, the inner critic can run its course without judgement.
Lastly, look at the payoff you’re receiving from listening to the voice of the inner critic. Most of the times when I ask clients “what’s the payoff?” They say nothing. The truth is that any habit or belief we engage in has a payoff or else we wouldn’t be engaging in it. Perhaps the payoff is security or comfort. It’s what you’ve always done or always known. If that is the case, then thank the inner critic for showing up the way that it has for you and let it know that you’ve got this. You no longer need it to show up for you in the way that it has. It may have served you up until this point, but now it’s no longer serving you. If part of the payoff is security ir comfort, then start to look at ways that you can start comforting yourself in a more supportive way.
In case any of these tools feel uncomfortable for you, you are in the right place. Growth occurs the minute we step outside of our comfort zone and that is the same place confidence is born. Part of trusting yourself and increasing your confidence is allowing yourself to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I would love to hear what uncomfortable step you are going to take in service to building your trust and self-confidence AND when the inner critic presents itself as you take the step you have the tools to work with yourself in a more effective way.
Big Love! Xx