My Number One Tip for a Happy, Healthy Marriage

Last week I celebrated my two year wedding anniversary and while two years doesn’t sound like a long time and by no means am I claiming to have it all figured out I am quite proud of the relationship that we have created. If I had to distill it down, there are a few things that have lead to the success of our relationship and I’m sharing it with all of you here:

NUMBER ONE: LOVE AS A WAY OF BEING

One of the biggest contributors to the strength of our marriage is shifting from love being about doing to love as a way of being. A lot of people and relationships I have seen fall into the trap, “if he/she/they loved me, he/she/they would do ‘X’ for me”. The thing with relating to love in this way is that it’s very limiting. It can lead to a lot of resentment and at the extreme end of the spectrum it leaves you questioning your own worth. 

When you make your goal in the relationship to show your love by being, it unlocks a deeper connection and an even greater love. You’re no longer concerned with proving yourself or trying to manipulate your partner into loving you. By being the presence of love, it gives your partner an opportunity to reflect your own loving back to you. You allow yourself to tap into a more truer, freer, more boundless love. 

NUMBER TWO: WHAT YOU APPRECIATE, APPRECIATES

Appreciation! Every night before we go to bed Adam and I share one or two things we appreciate about the other person and one or two things we appreciate about ourselves. The beauty in this practice is that it allows us to find the extraordinary in the ordinary. Most of the time we’re so busy in relationships that we don’t even notice that our partner took the trash out or did five loads of laundry in one day. The practice of appreciation brings your attention to all the ways your partner is showing up for you in your relationship and at the end of the day who doesn’t love to be appreciated? 

NUMBER THREE: SAY THE SCARIEST THING, FIRST AND OFTEN

This was a practice we developed early in our relationship. Adam and I have always been pretty good at communicating, but this practice has upleveled our relationship like you would not believe. A lot of the time people withhold in relationships because it’s easier, you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, you don’t know how to say what you want to say, etc. and what I’ve found is that these are all excuses/barriers to love. 

When something comes up that I’m wanting to share and it feels too scary I usually start the conversation with something like, “This feels really scary for me to share with you but…” The impact that this practice has created has been a deeper sense of trust, connection and love. 

Let me know how these tips work for you and I’d love to hear any other tricks that you’ve found that keep the love alive in your relationship.

Big love,

Karlie