If You Don't Stop, I'm Gonna Hit You Right Now
“If you don’t stop, I’m gonna hit you right now” were the words that flew out of a young girl's mouth directed at my son on the playground.
The mamma bear in me wanted to say, “Listen up you little shit, if you even blink in his direction you’ll be sorry”. Not only was that not appropriate for an adult to blurt out to what looked like a seven year old girl, but my whole platform is about empowering women. In addition to all this, my son did play his part as he had accidentally flung sand in her friend's face so I actually appreciated how she fiercely protected her friend, unapologetically speaking up. You go, Glenn Coco!
What I ended up saying was, “We’re so sorry, he’s just learning” and I redirected him to another place in the sandbox in case he accidentally flung sand again. This should have been an experience that came and went, but I found myself thinking about it hours later because as adults we do this to ourselves.
How many times have you been in a situation, learning something new, not quite getting it right – you stumble, metaphorically throw sand in someone's face and then the judgment creeps in. Why did you do that? You should have done it differently? I can't believe you just… Why didn’t you….How could you…? It’s at this moment that we cut ourselves off from creativity, growth and learning. Sometimes we set whatever it is we were trying down, never to revisit it again, letting our dreams get lost in the abyss of what could have been infinite possibility.
So here is my invitation to you: try the thing that ignites a fire inside of you and when you fall, because you certainly will, meet yourself with love. Set the mental and emotional assault aside and respond to yourself the same way you might respond to a little child learning something new. Be compassionate, soft, gentle. Ask yourself, who would I be if I wasn’t judging myself right now?
Second, surround yourself with people who celebrate your mistakes and encourage you to try again. Hire a coach or put yourself in rooms where people say “Wow, I’m so proud of you. That was so brave” or “Man, that was tough but I believe in you. You got this!”
Finally, create situations that are conducive to learning. Perhaps there is a lower stakes environment you can test out before jumping into the deep end. For example, practicing boundaries with a loving parent or friend before setting boundaries with a demanding boss. I believe both are equally as important, but the former allows you to practice in a safer way. You are able to build confidence and self-trust.
This week, go out, get messy, try the new thing and when you’re met with fear – embrace it with love.
Big love! xx