Are You Borrowing Worry?
We just had family visit and while I was so excited for them to come stay with us, I had something even louder playing in the background. They were flying into another city to visit other family and in order to see us had to drive 4-5 hours to our house. I found myself so concerned about their comfort with this plan. What if the drive was so bad (cue: LA traffic) that they would never visit us again? Our children wouldn’t get to create fun memories together in the future. Admittedly, I went off the deep end. I told my husband we had to change their plans. I made him lob in multiple calls to family members. I was doing everything in my power to try to make things more comfortable for them, but the plans stayed the same and I was so worried! For WEEKS! Until one day my husband looked at me and said, “Stop borrowing their worry!”
It stopped me in my tracks as I reflected on how many times we borrow worry from other people. In relationships we borrow worry in the form of: they’re going to get upset if I tell them this. We borrow worry at work when we’re afraid of giving honest feedback in fear that the person receiving feedback isn’t going to take it well. Whatever the circumstance, the impact of borrowing worry is pretty big. First, it causes us the internal turmoil, not them. We are the ones that end up suffering when we borrow other people’s worry. Second, it can build resentment. When we borrow worry it can cause us not to be honest with the other person in fear of how they might respond and therefore build resentment. Third, it leads to over-responsibility. Over-responsibility has us taking on emotions/feelings/actions from others that aren’t actually ours to take on. It leaves us feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
My invitation to you is that instead of borrowing worry, what if we borrow joy, excitement, hope, and connection! I know if I would have borrowed joy, instead of worry I would have had a much more enjoyable experience leading up to our family visit. As for their drive, it wasn’t even bad, it was actually quite easy and we had the most amazing time together. Borrowing joy, excitement, hope, and connection would allow us to be more honest, feel more expansive and experience more peace. Borrowing joy also connects us to our heart and we all know that what the world needs now is more people connected to their hearts. As my favorite quote about worry goes, “Worry is the interest paid on a debt you may never owe”.
Big love,
Karlie