Are You Outsourcing Your Needs?

One of the fastest ways to experience upset is by outsourcing our needs to other people. Emotional outsourcing is when we make other people responsible for our needs and emotions. It happens most frequently in relationships, friendships, with our kids. We want other people to fill a void inside of ourselves that, spoiler alert, we actually have the ability to fill on our own. 

When we look to other people to fill our needs it creates resistance against the exact thing we’re seeking. For example, if we’re looking to be loved it’s likely that we’ll start contorting ourselves to be someone we are not or we might become needy in pursuit of love and let’s be real– nobody likes needy. By emotional outsourcing, we create distance rather than connection. We create resentment rather than unconditional love. 

Next time you notice yourself wanting someone else to fill a void inside of yourself, try these three steps: 

1. Observe: allow yourself to observe what needs you have that aren’t currently being met

2. List Your Desire: make a list of your desires (i.e. I want to feel loved)

3. Find ways to give yourself that which yourself seeking outside of yourself (i.e practice self-love, buy yourself flowers) 

4. BONUS STEP: enjoy more love and connection in your life     

Lastly, I’m leaving you with this poem by one of my favorite teachers and authors. 

Big love,

Karlie